This was from 2008. The day is drawing near My heart only fills with fear Soon a year will have come and gone It doesn’t seem that you have been gone that long February 14, 2007 Still you wait in heaven No longer hurting and in pain Tears still falling like rain As if after one year I would feel better I find solace in writing you letters Tear drop stained paper, with ink seeping outward I still feel like a coward Hiding tears from those near and dear As if we are all in the clear How long does it take for the heart to mend You would think it would with all the prayers that I send Is my heart any less broken As the wheel of time turns, you would think it could drop me a token I would buy a little time Just a moment to feel fine Your death is still so hard to accept No one understands to what depth I feel the blackness and the chill Does anyone have a pill A Band-aid or stitch Nothing seems to scratch this itch I am not only broken but, bruised I feel as if all of my will has been used Isn’t black supposed to fade in to green What does all of this mean Who has the answers When the best I come up with is fuck Cancer I know that can’t be right My thoughts drift you night after night Will I ever feel right I should have moved on Some how I can’t with you gone I stopped asking why over and over It was as if I found a four leaf clover A stroke of luck came my way But, that was only for one day There is no gravesite to visit, no headstone, and no flowers Just a box full of ashes, as I walk by, I feel your powers One day we will spread you And when we do My only hope is to one day join you I find peace in that thought And that is all I have got Hope that one day I find you and we are both ok