Monday, October 6, 2014

Madigyn Rain Price 10/6/08 8:06AM

I know I had this on here but, I am unable to locate so this is for me to remember.

Sunday October 5, 2008

We woke up around 7:00AM, I am sure we had a lazy day. I remember we had sometime to waste and started our day at Dairy Queen for a much awaited Peanut Buster Parfait, but, I didn’t get it…be all pregnant and such,  at the last minute I decided to get a butter finger blizzard. Later on I was getting ready in the bathroom for dinner at Anthony’s Home Port. While slowly getting ready, I remember I took me hours, I had to take breaks to watch TV, to eat, to lay down, and Sage (our #2 Dog) was driving me crazy, she was just staring at me, you see, Sage is usually at Brads side non-stop and doesn’t usually hassle me much, but on this particular day, she wouldn’t take her eyes off of me. For those of you who have ever been 39 weeks pregnant you know how hot you get while getting ready, and because of this, I was naked in my bathroom for the majority of the afternoon J and I really didn’t need my dog staring me down and just sitting there looking at me for hours on end. So, I annoyingly tell Brad, “Something is wrong with your dog, she is driving me nuts! Have you fed her? Does she need to go outside? I think she might be sick…” Brad replies “Yes, dear (smart words coming from the man who knocked me up!) She has food, water and she just went outside, and thankfully he drags her into the office to hang out with him while I continue my never ending efforts to get ready for dinner. Chilly and Jason meet us at the house around 5:30PM and we all head out to a nice dinner that Brad and I jokingly refer to as “Our last Harrah” before baby Price arrives. We meet Christina and Tal for a very nice dinner, most of us had the Crab Feed, I myself didn’t dare, there was no room left in my belly for the much loved Crab Feed, at this point I was eating about every two hours and couldn’t fit much more than a handful in at a time. I remember thinking, how much I would love a glass of red wine tonight…but, I will settle for Huckleberry Cheesecake! And so became the day that I had 3 deserts! J didn’t think his Chocolate, on Chocolate on Chocolate was all that great, but I thought it was the best ever and made Chilly take it away from me. As we said our good byes to the Piece’s I lovingly told Tal, “Just think, the next time you see us, we might have a baby!”. We got to our house that Sunday night around 10PM, we said goodnight to the Gosser’s and headed up to bed. As I rolled over and situated all my pillows and got ready for what would be my first Monday back to work in two months, wishing I didn’t have to go to work, it was 11PM. I awoke for what would normally be a very normal bathroom break after 45 minutes of sleep and I thought I must have been sweating, I felt as if I was anxious or irritable yet, now wide awake…Brad helped push me out of bed as he so lovingly had to do every time I tried to roll out of bed. As I was settling back in bed and doing the whole pillow routine one more time, I recall asking Brad a bunch of random questions about the show he had on…He was just getting ready to close his eyes for the night (until the next time he had to push me up to go pee!) I told him that I felt weird, like maybe I had heart burn…or something…. I then rolled over to try to get comfortable in anyway possible. It was only a moment before I said “I think water is coming out!?” He wide eyed jumps up, “You do?” I quickly (as quick as any 39 week pregnant woman can move!) ran to the bathroom and “peed” more than I had in 10 months…with Brad staring wide eyed at me he says “Do I need to call the hospital?” I recall Dr. Chien saying on Wednesday “now your strep b test is fine so, if you water breaks, you can shower, eat something but, then I want to head hear since you live so far away” So, Brad stammers to the nurse on call “My wife…she is pregnant…her…well….we think….her water broke…..” They tell us to head in. I am calmer at this point that he is. He is telling me, you need to finish packing your clothes! I need blankets! Where is the last minute list?! I am saying “Maybe my water didn’t break…I know, we have time…I forget where I put that list (imagine that?!) We are packing, stuffing duvet in covers and grabbing pillows (god I love my pillows!) Brad is running stuff out to the Denali and we are trying to not forget anything (mind you we have TWO dog children that we didn’t make a single plan for!) I have yet to feel a contraction, this is so not going the way I thought it would. (we spent 12 weeks in Bradley Birthing Classes for Natural (drug free) childbirth and I expected to labor at home for hours and hours before heading to the hospital) I remember while pregnant lovingly asking Brad “Can you imagine having a baby in the car?” “Can you imagine if we had a baby right here while we eat dinner?” The answer that followed as always “No.” I am sure we were both in a daze driving, Brad telling me that I need to call my Mom and my sisters and Chilly and and and…. I was like “No, not yet, we don’t even know if my water really did break, I don’t want to call everyone at Midnight for a false alarm!” I then call my mother and text my sister, Brad calls Chilly (she thinks he is joking with her, being that you can only take ½ what Brad says seriously) we arrive in Kirkland and it has occurred to me on 405 that I do have an odd sensation (did I grab the wrong sweats they are not very comfortable) but then again, it is occurring every 10 minutes…It is now October 6, 2008. After arriving I assume that I will go to triage and then get checked out then find out if this is the “real thing”. They walk me back to a room and hand me a gown. I am like, hello, maybe my water didn’t break……(just like maybe the home pregnancy test wasn’t really positive right?) I am asked a slew of ridiculous questions, the most insane of all was “What type of learner do you consider yourself?” mind you, I am in labor….I don’t ()*&^%^% know or care…..I remember my Mother and Sadie walking in just about the time that Christina and Chilly walked in…everyone says their hellos…Brad has his timer set for 30 minutes, to remind me to get up and pee, I don’t recall why we learned to do this but, It was one of the few random things I remember from Bradley Class. So, at this point I am sure Brad is already massaging my back constantly and it is about 3AM…at some point I puke in the bathroom while simultaneously have a contraction and think that I don’t have a clue what I am doing…. I am wiping, asking for a toothbrush… and running (mind you 39 weeks pregnant, not moving too fast… and in full blown labor) back to the bed to assume the ONLY position that is working for me, laying on the right or left side, with my glasses removed with Brad giving a never ending massage. After this, hours fly by and I have no recollection. People arrive and I have no clue they have done so. I guess it is 6AM now…everyone but, Sadie leave the room and Brad is still giving wonderful massage AND the nurse realizes that I am pushing during contractions (would I know if I was pushing…nope) She says she needs me to stop pushing and she need to see how far dilated I am. I then hear, you are at a 9 and I need you to stop pushing until I can get a Dr. in here! As if not pushing is even an option, remember that part where I didn’t even know I was pushing? A few random thoughts, at one point I realize that we didn’t give our credit card information to the cord blood company, I need realize that with out my contacts in I can’t see past my nose (that you Chilly for helping me put contacts in while in between pushes!), another random Bradley Class thought enters…I need to be at a 45 degree angle while pushing…I don’t know what 45 degree angle looks like so, I ask “Am I at a 45 degree angle?” I am very concerned at first, then after realizing that this child is coming regardless, I tell the nurse to never mind (all the while she is trying to figure out why I care what angle I am at and telling me to not worry about anything but, pushing) I look up at one point and I SWEAR I see a nurse between my legs…….where the _&*%% is my Dr? and I ask out loud “Is that a Dr. or a Nurse?! (in disgust mind you) I am thinking I refuse to do this with out a Dr!! (as if I have a choice right?) FINALLY, 7:15AM in walks Dr. Chien and I tell her how happy I am to see her, you would have thought I won the lottery when the term Stop pushing and don’t push, turned to PUSH! I realize that my Mother seems to think that if she holds her breath and pushes with me I am going to have an easier time getting this child out! My Dr. is playing with my unborn child’s hair while waiting for baby to arrive….45 minutes later, Brad was cutting the cord and calling out “It’s a Girl”. She was placed on stomach and the words “Oh, my god” left my mouth for what seemed like hours, over and over again…I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that she was here..a moment ago, she was in there and now she is here…with me. I was looking at the baby that I had tried to imagine my entire life. All I could say was oh my god…she was here. My room was full of family and friends. My Mom, Sadie & Sally, Chilly, Tracy, Christina, Kendall.. not to mention that I think every nurse on our floor found out that I was giving Natural child birth to a surprise baby, they were all there, a student was present, and the nursing staff had changed at 7AM so, the nurse that had been with me all morning stayed there to see our baby arrive before heading home for the day. While she was being weighed and measured, she was so strong; she was already holding her head up and lifting her self off the bed (that must be due to the 100 grams of protein I had consumed daily in my 3rd trimester!). She remained nameless until about 2PM, at that time we decided on the name Madigyn and Brad picked the middle name Rain. Through out the day family and friends came to visit, at 8:30PM everyone was gone and all was quiet, with the exception of Brad snoring, I was still all amped up on adrenaline and was unable to sleep, I held Madigyn all night and just looked at her for hours. I knew that Danna was coming by in the morning to visit and I was unable to sleep even for a moment that night. We thought we would be discharged at 11AM Tuesday 10/7/08 but, time came and went and nothing. I slept from 2-2:30 and then woke up and called the nurse to see what the hold up was, they didn’t realize I was ready to go home! So, we were discharged at 4:30 and I had to head to work to get all my personal items and finish up Sally’s baby shower invites and get them in the mail. We were home by 6:30 and our neighbors came to meet Madigyn, then my family arrived. They were there until 10:30 and then we went to bed. We were finally able to sleep ALL day on Wednesday with the exception of rising every 3 hours to feed her. We took her in for her check up on Thursday and found out that her jaundice count was up from a 9 the day we checked out to a 20. We then headed back to Marysville to her pediatrician to find out if she had to be admitted back to the hospital or if we could do home Photo Therapy. Home treatment was approved so, we headed home to meet the nurse with her light bed. She was on the light bed for 5 days, during which she could only be off the bed in order to eat and be changed all which had to take place every 3 hours and take less than 1 hour to do so. I remember crying, I was so sad that she had to be on there. Brad was devastated, the only time he got to hold her was to hand her to me and then change her little Pampers. I remember thinking; I would have rather had morning sickness, hemorrhoids, and all the other horror stories that go along with pregnancy in order to not have her be stuck on there. In hind sight, it wasn’t so bad but, at the time it was like driving a needle in my eye. From that 5th day on the light until now, we have been wonderful. She is a tiny little thing and grows like a weed. Time flies faster than anyone could ever know (unless they too have a child). She is healthy as can be and she has a wonderful personality and an amazing smile. Our life is filled with moments that we couldn’t have even fathomed prior to her arrival and we cherish every second. Parenthood is everything and more than we ever expected. We are elated and filled with more love than we ever knew possible.

Friday, February 14, 2014

This was written upon finding out that my Grandma had chosen to Die with Dignity.. Flailing My emotions flailing, my mind racing Pacing, pacing, pacing I search my sole for the answers Why did you too have to get Cancer Are you weak or are you strong Before long you will be gone The future is in your hands Only you know where you stand I want to say don’t do it I want to kick and hit The choice is yours to make How much courage will it take Questions fill my head I can’t believe that is what was said You think you know the reasons You have seen so many more seasons Now your feet are planted Did I take our time left with you for granted To know what you will miss To know that it will be our last kiss You say goodnight and I say goodbye We are left to know you are going to die Are you weak or are you strong Knowing that you can’t hang on It breaks my heart to know you want to go When inside I know Is the choice your to make When our hearts will break Our loss is your gain You will no longer be in pain You know we forgive you We see your point of view Your life is in your hands Will you fill us in on your plans Do we get to know When you choose to go Are you going to ask us to be there To think we will know when and where I want to be thankful and forgive I also want you to live My heart and mind are torn I’m not sure how to feel about being warned To know when the day will come Your days will be done It makes my heart ach To know that everything is at stake We don’t need any more proof We no longer question the truth You were given a decision to make It still seems so fake As you lay down to sleep Only our memories we have to keep I think that you are stronger Knowing that you can’t go on any longer In my dreams you will visit In my heart you will sit Together you will be I’m sure you can’t wait to see Your sole mate has waited That I am sure you have hated Two hearts together at last So much time has past Waiting, waiting, waiting You have been fading Peace will soon come What is done will be done Together we will gather No place would we rather Smiles wet with tears Thankful for all our years We let you go in peace Our love will only increase - Sarah S. Price
2014 Seven years have passed For so many years I had asked How long does it take to heal heart break? Seven years, for goodness sake Valentines has never been the same No one to blame Red and Pink hearts all around Instead of smile, I frown Will it ever be the same? Can I get back to the love game? In ways I have healed Somehow my heart sealed A patch remains Was that my gain? Guilt of no longer feeling broken Was that the dropped token? 2,55 That’s how long you have been in heaven Now to manage this new feeling Guilt of healing With fond memories my mind is often flood No longer drenched in crud The yearning to feel guilt free I know you would agree It’s time to be free Time to let it go Time to know Stop dreading and fretting Be reminded, open minded This day represents love Let that rise above Enjoy St. Valentine It’s time to realign Let it go This I know
This was from 2008. The day is drawing near My heart only fills with fear Soon a year will have come and gone It doesn’t seem that you have been gone that long February 14, 2007 Still you wait in heaven No longer hurting and in pain Tears still falling like rain As if after one year I would feel better I find solace in writing you letters Tear drop stained paper, with ink seeping outward I still feel like a coward Hiding tears from those near and dear As if we are all in the clear How long does it take for the heart to mend You would think it would with all the prayers that I send Is my heart any less broken As the wheel of time turns, you would think it could drop me a token I would buy a little time Just a moment to feel fine Your death is still so hard to accept No one understands to what depth I feel the blackness and the chill Does anyone have a pill A Band-aid or stitch Nothing seems to scratch this itch I am not only broken but, bruised I feel as if all of my will has been used Isn’t black supposed to fade in to green What does all of this mean Who has the answers When the best I come up with is fuck Cancer I know that can’t be right My thoughts drift you night after night Will I ever feel right I should have moved on Some how I can’t with you gone I stopped asking why over and over It was as if I found a four leaf clover A stroke of luck came my way But, that was only for one day There is no gravesite to visit, no headstone, and no flowers Just a box full of ashes, as I walk by, I feel your powers One day we will spread you And when we do My only hope is to one day join you I find peace in that thought And that is all I have got Hope that one day I find you and we are both ok