Madigyn is 18 month old. Just saying it out load boggles my mind. A year and a half have gone by, she has had Two Christmas's, Two New years, Two Easters...I just can't believe it. She finally broke 20 lbs!! She weighed in at 21 lbs yesterday and 30 inches tall. She is in the 25% for her age. She is one smart cookie and always tries to test our boundaries and is starting to get a little temper (I have no idea who she gets that from..or the "dirty" look she has mastered..) She communicates so well with us, it still amazes me. The Dr. was talking about potty training and to start looking for signs of readiness...I was so baffled...Potty Training...what is that? How do I do that? What are the "signs" of readiness? Wow, so today I have been doing some online research to learn how to teach the next lesson in her life..I still can't believe it.

Our business is doing well. Brad has stayed very busy but, we are still trying to pay all the bills that go with the starting of the business so we haven't reaped any of the monetary gains of self employment as of yet. But, I think this will be a good thing and is going to do well. Brad is taking a course to get certified in septic installation. So he is studying for that right now and staying busy with small jobs here and there. As for daycare, we are still shuffling her from here to there and between friends and family, when he starts working more steadily we will need to firm up a schedule for her and see who all in interested in partaking in the efforts of helping raise our little one.

As for me, I am happy and healthy to say the least. :)

The past few weeks have been trying to say the least. With each and every blow I (or we) take, I have to remember to tell myself, Hang on, this is happening for a reason, and ask what I will learn from this experience. We took the leap and started our own business! Friday 2/19 we purchased the Bond and Insurance and on Monday 2/22 Brad received his General Contractors License. He is now in self employment. Not only has this been a long time goal and dream of his, the simple fact is, there is no jobs out there! But, there is work to be done and we must do it "by the books". SO, we jump in (with one eye closed) bracing for impact all while expecting great things to come. The stresses and emotional roller coaster we have been on this past couple of years has been crazy, add to that births of multiple new members of our extended family and the trials and tribulations that they experience and I wasn't sure I could take much more. Poor Gavin had to go to Children's last week for an abscess on his lymphoid, it was so scary and sad (he is thankfully, on the mend now and home healing). I learned a long time ago to surround myself with positive, uplifting individuals that bring joy and peace to my life. This being a very hard lesson learned and very hard to let go of those who do not fall in to that category. I find myself mourning the loss of those friendships from time to time. Remembering the past and what fun you had a child is so uplifting, yearning for the carefree feeling that I know I will never be able to attain again. I find peace in the fact that Madigyn will have that and that I can help her be able to feel that feeling and live in it as long as possible. I want to be sure and shelter her from any and all negative and protect her from useless stress and concerns as long as humanly possible. Every once in a while I can get lost in time with her and be carefree and not let the day to day drama overwhelm me, what a nice break from reality huh?

Haiti and life..

In the wake of what happened in Haiti, I am forced to ask myself yet again, what is important in life? We have had our trials and tribulations over the past two years and I am sure we haven’t seen the worst of it yet. I always try to look at the bright side of every situation and try to find the meaning behind what has happened, learn the lesson to be learned and try not to make the same mistakes twice. I am unable to watch the destruction that has taken place in Haiti, it makes me feel like a weak individual but, in reality, I am so empathetic that it hurts my soul to see the loss Haitians have endured. In times like these I always end up asking myself, why do we choose to run the rat race? Why do we have to have such a big house, the SUV, so on and so on..? Quality of life is not measured by material things, I know this but, I get up every day and leave my child and work my 8 hour day. How did we get here? When we or our loved ones travel to Panama or Costa Rica and see the simple life, I long for simplicity. I guess after I had Madigyn I started to question what is really important in life. To “downsize” and or simplify is easier said than done. We have been forced to make some major changes in our spending habits since Brad was laid off before Madigyn was born. Very welcome changes I might add. Maybe that plays a large part in why I ask myself over and over again what is or is not important. Growing up I lived a very simple life in the country, I guess it is only natural to want more. I have always said “The more you make, the more you spend” and boy did I ever prove that to myself over the past year. I hear about people volunteering and going to third world countries to try to make a difference some how. I am reminded of goals I set for myself a long time ago, one that comes to mind: To go to Africa. Will I ever get there? Would I even be willing to go now that I have a child? The risks I am willing to take are far less now that I am a Mother. I have gained more than I ever could have imagined but, I feel a sense of mourning. The loss of the ability to make a daring choice that only effects me. I will never again be able to think of just me and what I want. My only hope is that I am able to give to Madigyn everything she needs from me and that she grows up with confidence in herself and her parents and that she is always safe. I don’t believe that she needs a Denali or 2,600 square feet to learn any of those things. Some how I want to be able to show her that life is not about material things but, about experience, whether it is love, loss, joy or sorrow. Our life experiences are what make us who we are; they are the foundation of our being. If you stand alone with nothing you are still you. As you stand there asking, Am I a good person, do you like the answer?