Haiti and life..

In the wake of what happened in Haiti, I am forced to ask myself yet again, what is important in life? We have had our trials and tribulations over the past two years and I am sure we haven’t seen the worst of it yet. I always try to look at the bright side of every situation and try to find the meaning behind what has happened, learn the lesson to be learned and try not to make the same mistakes twice. I am unable to watch the destruction that has taken place in Haiti, it makes me feel like a weak individual but, in reality, I am so empathetic that it hurts my soul to see the loss Haitians have endured. In times like these I always end up asking myself, why do we choose to run the rat race? Why do we have to have such a big house, the SUV, so on and so on..? Quality of life is not measured by material things, I know this but, I get up every day and leave my child and work my 8 hour day. How did we get here? When we or our loved ones travel to Panama or Costa Rica and see the simple life, I long for simplicity. I guess after I had Madigyn I started to question what is really important in life. To “downsize” and or simplify is easier said than done. We have been forced to make some major changes in our spending habits since Brad was laid off before Madigyn was born. Very welcome changes I might add. Maybe that plays a large part in why I ask myself over and over again what is or is not important. Growing up I lived a very simple life in the country, I guess it is only natural to want more. I have always said “The more you make, the more you spend” and boy did I ever prove that to myself over the past year. I hear about people volunteering and going to third world countries to try to make a difference some how. I am reminded of goals I set for myself a long time ago, one that comes to mind: To go to Africa. Will I ever get there? Would I even be willing to go now that I have a child? The risks I am willing to take are far less now that I am a Mother. I have gained more than I ever could have imagined but, I feel a sense of mourning. The loss of the ability to make a daring choice that only effects me. I will never again be able to think of just me and what I want. My only hope is that I am able to give to Madigyn everything she needs from me and that she grows up with confidence in herself and her parents and that she is always safe. I don’t believe that she needs a Denali or 2,600 square feet to learn any of those things. Some how I want to be able to show her that life is not about material things but, about experience, whether it is love, loss, joy or sorrow. Our life experiences are what make us who we are; they are the foundation of our being. If you stand alone with nothing you are still you. As you stand there asking, Am I a good person, do you like the answer?